Smiler Time
by Snugglebunny83
Summary: AU story about Spike and Angel getting turned into puppets and the fun that ensues afterwards. Part one of a three part series. Angel, Spike, and the rest of the characters mentioned except for my own creations are all property of Joss Whedon.
1. The Case

It all started out like any other normal day. Well as normal as a day could be in L.A. at the firm of Wolfram and Hart. Angel was sitting at his desk going through some client lists and waiting for Harmony to bring him his morning cup of blood when Fred entered the room looking distraught.

"Bad news Angel. Another child has fallen ill and we're no closer to discovering the cause than we were when the last child was stricken!"

"Damn It! That makes how many now?"

"At last count, twenty."

"This one the same as all the others?"

"Yes. Found lifeless in front of the TV with a smile frozen on her face."

"Let me see the file."

As Angel leafed through papers trying to discover the elusive answer to their problem, Lorne came in.

"How goes it there Angel cakes?"

"Horrible. Another victim and still no reason for it. Wait a minute! I found something! Look at this. This says that all the children fell ill at the exact same time! How come nobody caught this? See, 10:00 a.m. every Saturday. Now what could each of these children be doing at this particular time?"

"I don't know, watching cartoons probably. They were all found in front of the TV." Fred replied.

"Yes! Now all we have to do is figure out what show they were watching and maybe we'll get somewhere."

"Well it says on here that all the TV's were tuned to channel 8 and I know of only one cartoon show on that channel at that particular time and on that particular day. A show called Smile Time."

"Smile Time? Of course! It certainly fits our demographic. Thanks Lorne. Alright, Fred; you and Wesley see what you can find out about Smile Time. I'm going to go to the studio and see what I can find there."

"Can I come?" Spike asked from the doorway where he was standing.

"Why?"

"'Cause I'm bloody bored! There's nothing to do around here, nothing for me to fight, I've played all my games already, there's nothing good on the telly, and Harm's not exactly bein' friendly if you catch my drift. So I need to seek amusement elsewhere."

"In that case, you most definitely cannot come."

"Why the bloody hell not?!"

"Because Spike, This is a serious case, not a game. I don't have the time to amuse you or keep an eye on you."

Spike snorted. "Yeah. Like you need to keep an eye on me. I'm a grown man you wanker. I can take care of myself. Now come on! I can help out."

Angel sighed and put a hand over his eyes. Spike was a natural born wheedler and was an expert at getting his own way. He didn't really want Spike to come, but it wasn't a bad idea to have backup along in case of trouble. Normally he would have asked Gunn to go, but Gunn was busy going over some briefs for an upcoming trial.

"Alright, Alright! You can come, but remember, no funny business. Don't go wandering off, and don't get into things."

"Yes Sir!" Spike replied sarcastically with a snappy salute and a devilish smirk.

Angel sighed again and shook his head. It was going to be a VERY long day.

They took Angel's private elevator down to the parking garage. Since he wanted to look the most inconspicuous today, Angel chose the simple black sedan. Once inside the car, Spike wasted no time in trying to get on Angel's nerves. After fiddling with the seat for a moment, moving it forward and back several times until he felt comfortable; he flipped on the radio and soon found the loudest, most nerve-grating heavy metal station he could. Then he started to sing along to the music and played a drum solo on the dashboard.

Angel's hands tightened on the steering wheel. His knuckles whitened. His mouth tightened up into a thin line. He wouldn't say anything though. He was not about to rise to the bait and give Spike the satisfaction of ticking him off. He hoped the drive to the television station would be a short one.

One annoying thirty-minute car ride later, they pulled into the deserted parking lot. The building that housed television station Channel 8 was a tiny, nondescript brick building that was falling into disrepair. They walked up to the door. Angel rang the bell, but there was no answer. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked.

"Stand aside!" Spike shoved him aside and gave the door a hard kick with one black-leather booted foot. It sprang open and banged noisily against the wall.

"I could have done that! And we're supposed to be doing this stealthily. Remember?!" Angel snapped.

"Stealthily. Right. Okay then Mr. Sourpuss. Lead the way."

They made their way quietly through the empty building. There wasn't really anything to see with the exception of dusty furniture and a few discarded puppets.

"Ugh. I'll be glad to get out of here. Them puppets give me a shrinky winky."

"A what?"

"A shrinky winky. You know, they give me the creeps."

"You're scared of puppets? Mr. Big Bad is scared of a wee little puppet?"

"Yeah, What of it?! So I'm scared of puppets. I don't like dolls either. I only put up with those ones of Dru's just to make her happy. If it wasn't for her, I'd have chucked the whole lot of 'em. I also don't like bears."

Angel laughed. The idea of Spike actually being afraid of anything besides something logical like a stake or fire was comical.

"And don't you bloody well dare tell anyone that either, or I'll shove my boot so far up your poncy arse that the straps will be coming out your ears!"

"Alright. Simmer down. I won't tell anyone." Angel said, snickering.

They came to a metal door with the word DON'T spray painted in red on it.

"Think we should risk it?" Spike asked, indicating the door.

"Might as well." They went inside.

They stopped short at the sight of a large man wearing a towel over his head, obscuring his face. Above him hung a large metal egg.

"You're not supposed to be in here!" The man shouted. "Out! Get out!"

Angel tried to shout over him, trying to ask him questions, but he couldn't make himself heard. Then suddenly the room started to shake and a line opened up on the egg. A line that looked like a glowing white smile.

"Umm, Angel? Maybe we should...

Bang!

Before Spike could finish saying maybe they should go, a blast of energy sent them both flying across the room. They landed on a pile of dusty wooden crates. Drywall rained down upon them.

"Bugger! That fuckin' hurt!" Spike got up coughing. "Angel? You alright?"

"Yeah. I'm just peachy. Quit flapping your jaws and help me out of here!" A tiny pinkish-white hand appeared out of the pile of rubble. Spike grabbed ahold of it and yanked. Much to his surprise, Angel popped out, only now he was a...

"Oh my God! You're a puppet! Oh shit! You're a wee little puppet man!" Spike squealed with glee.

"I'm a what?"

"A puppet!"

"Spike, please tell me you're kidding."

"Sorry Mate, but you are!"

"Yeah, well, you're one too in case you didn't notice."

"Please. You're just putting me on."  
"No, I'm not. I don't know what's going on here, but somehow we are both puppets."

"No, No! I can't be a puppet!" Spike squealed again, but there was no trace of amusement in his voice. He found a mirror lying against the wall in a corner and looked into it. When he got a good look at his reflection, his worse fears were confirmed. Angel was right. He was a puppet.

"Argggh! No! No! No! Change me back! You bloody well change me back right the fuck now!" Spike yelled, jumping up and down and stomping his little feet in a tantrum.

"Spike! Get ahold of yourself! I can't do anything right now. We've got to get back to Wolfram and Hart. I'm sure once we're back there, Wes or Fred will be able to help fix this."

"Well how do you expect we get there you asshat! We bloody well can't drive like this!"

"I'll call Lorne. Him and Gunn can drive out and pick us up and then one of them can take my car back." Angel took out his cell phone, which had also shrunk to puppet size, and dialed Lorne's number with some difficulty due to his spongy felt fingers.

"Hello, Lorne speaking. How may I...Oh Angel! What's that? Come get you? Why? Oh okay. I understand. No, I don't think Gunn's busy now. You want him to come with me so one of us can drive your car back? Okay. I can do that Angel cakes. You just sit tight now, and we'll be there in just two shakes of a lamb's tail."

Spike and Angel were sitting outside on a parking block when Lorne and Gunn pulled up.

"Heavens to Betsy! What happened to you two?" Lorne exclaimed when he got his first look at them.

"No idea. Can you just get us to Fred and Wesley so they can fix us? Preferably without anyone seeing us this way?" Angel replied glumly.

"No problemo. There's a blanket in the trunk. We'll just wrap you up good, and say you're a valuable artifact or something."

Gunn took the blanket out of the trunk and he and Lorne got Angel and Spike wrapped up well. He placed the bundle in the front passenger seat of Lorne's car.

"You drive them back and take them up to the lab. I'll take Angel's car." Gunn said to Lorne.

The two of them managed to smuggle in Angel and Spike safely without anyone seeing them. Inside the lab, Fred had Lorne undress them both and sit them on an exam table so she could get a better look.

"Hmm. This is indeed most unusual." Fred remarked as she studied and poked and prodded them, making notes on her clipboard as she did so.

"Hey! Hands off the bleedin' merchandise! Spike snarled and tried to smack her hands away.

"Now Spike! If you want to be fixed, you have to behave!" Fred admonished, shaking her finger at him.

Spike grumbled something under his breath and sat scowling, but allowed her to continue her examination.

"Any ideas on what to do Fred?" Angel asked.

"I'm afraid not Angel. The best thing we can do is just wait and hope that it wears off soon."

"Great."


	2. Puppet Trouble

Living as puppets was very troublesome indeed as Spike and Angel soon learned. The highlight of their misery came on Sunday, two days after their transformation. The source of their ultimate misery? Breakfast with Nina, Mrs. Johnston's dog, and the new file clerk.

The trouble started with breakfast. After a very lengthy explanation as to what had happened, Angel took Nina down to the cafeteria for breakfast. He got a few curious stares, but no more than that. He could say one thing about Wolfram and Hart. People there were used to seeing unusual things on a regular basis. He needed a little help in getting into his chair, and Nina was more than happy to oblige.

For awhile, breakfast went well, then a girl named Peggy Smith walked in. Now there wasn't anything really special about Peggy. She was just another receptionist working on another floor. Sunday was her first day back after being on maternity leave. She walked into the cafeteria dining room carrying a full breakfast tray. When she saw Angel, that was all that it took to start trouble. Peggy was even more terrified of puppets than Spike, and the sight of a talking puppet was enough to send her running off screaming, and send the tray flying into the air to splatter all over Angel.

Angel sat stunned for a moment, covered from head to toe in a sticky mess of oatmeal, fruit salad, orange juice, and tea. Nina tried to wipe him off with her napkin, but it didn't work very well.

"I'm sorry Angel, but I think we're going to have to try something else." She gingerly picked him up and carried him downstairs to the company laundry room.

"Oh no! Uh-uh!" Angel protested when he saw the rows of washing machines and dryers, and knew what she meant to do.

"Oh Angel! Really! This is the only way to get that stuff off of you, and it has to come off or you'll start to attract bugs! Now stop wriggling and hold still!"

Nina undressed him and then carefully placed him and his clothes inside one of the washers. She then scanned the selection of detergents available trying to find the one which would be the best at removing stains, and would also have the least floral scent. She found one that listed its fragrance as "Rainy Day Fresh." She scooped up some of the detergent and sprinkled it over Angel and his clothes. Then started the washer.

Angel had never experienced something so horrible before in his life. He grew dizzy as he spun around, he was cold and sopping wet, and the soap stung his eyes and tasted terrible. He thought his ordeal was over when the washer stopped, but it wasn't quite finished yet. Nina rung him out as carefully as she could and then started for the dryer.

"Oh No! Not the dryer! Nina, I mean it! There's got to be another way!"

Nina was getting exasperated. Angel kicked against her and tried to wriggle out of her arms, getting her clothing wet in the process.

"Damn it Angel! Enough already! It's either the dryer, where you'll have privacy, or I go and hang you up outside on the clothes line where everyone can get a good view of your naked ass! It's your choice."

"Dryer." Angel mumbled.

"What was that?"

"The dryer please. I'm sorry Nina."

Nina put him in the dryer along with his clothes and a dryer sheet. She picked a low enough heat setting which would allow Angel to warm up and dry out well without getting burned.

Angel grew even dizzier and rather sick as he spun and bumped around in the dryer. It was a good thing he couldn't vomit, or else he would have made another mess.

Once he was dry, Nina smoothed out his hair and dressed him again. "Come on. We'd better take you back to your office before you get into more trouble."

While Angel was going through his laundry ordeal, Spike had trouble of his own. He had been just wandering up and down the halls of Wolfram and Hart minding his own business when it happened. Mrs. Johnston, one of the firm's oldest clients had come in for an appointment and had brought her little Yorkie, Mr. Sprinkles with her. When Mr. Sprinkles saw Spike, he started yapping and soon broke free of Mrs. Johnston's grip. He chased Spike all through the firm, barking and snapping at him all the way. At one point he actually managed to sink his little teeth into Spike's backside and tore out quite a sizable chunk of cloth and stuffing. Spike finally managed to elude him by jumping into a wastepaper bin on the third floor. A passing janitor found him and took him back to Angel's office where Fred patched him up again.

Just when they didn't think anything else could go wrong, Harmony came in, bringing with her the new girl that Angel had hired to assist her with the filing. The new girl was one Jacki Shoufler, originally from Danville, Illinois. She had met Harmony one night at the market while she had been buying diapers for her infant son, Benjamin; and Harmony had been picking up a new bottle of shampoo. They had struck up a conversation in the checkout line and soon became friends. When Jacki had heard about the job from Harmony, she jumped at the chance.

Jacki so far got along well with everyone she had met at the office. She especially liked Lorne as they both shared a love for sea breezes and karaoke.

Back at her desk, Jacki decided to give her cousin a call and let her know about how the new job was going. Casually she mentioned the fact that her new boss and one of her co-workers happened to be puppets. Normally this wouldn't have been a big deal except for the fact that this particular cousin of Jacki's was currently going to school in Italy. The school she was attending was a very exclusive academy ran by a Ms. Buffy Summers.

Jacki's cousin Samantha of course told the funny story to her roommate. Her roommate passed it on to her best friend. The story was soon all over campus and eventually reached the ears of Willow, Buffy, Dawn, Xander, and Giles.

"Angel's a puppet?!" Buffy asked laughing.

"Yep. Spike too!" Willow replied with a chuckle.

"Oh My! Please tell me someone got a picture of this!"

"As a matter of fact, someone did!" Samantha said with a grin as she walked into the room. She handed Buffy her phone. Jacki had managed to snap a few discreet pictures and had sent them along.

"Oh how cute! Look at his little duster, and..Oh Gosh..! Angel's eyebrows!" Buffy was practically rolling around on the floor, she was laughing so hard. The phone went around the room and everyone had a good laugh over the pictures.

Back at Wolfram and Hart, Spike and Angel were still having trouble adjusting to the new situation. Finally Jacki put in a suggestion that she could take them home with her for a few days until the spell wore off.

"That's great, but how will I be able to deal with things at work if I'm there?" Angel asked.

"Oh that's no problem. We can manage things here and you can reach us by phone if you need to, and you'll have access to a computer and we can do virtual meetings if we need to." Fred answered.

So it was decided. Spike and Angel would go home with Jacki for a few days until they were back to normal and Jacki would get a few day's paid vacation time to puppet-sit.

After lunch on Monday, Jacki headed to her car with Spike and Angel tucked into her bag. She placed the bag on the seat beside her and the three of them headed to her house. They pulled up to a modest little two bedroom white stucco house on the beach. Once inside, Jacki explained to the nanny that she had been given a few weeks' vacation and that a nanny would not be needed for the time being. After the nanny left, Jacki took Angel and Spike out of the bag and put them on the floor.

"You two make yourselves at home. I'm going to check on Benjamin."

After she left the room, Spike scrambled up onto her couch and flipped on the television. The second he saw the high quality HD picture and the wide selection of channels, he leaned back against the cushions with a grin. "I could get used to this." He said happily.


	3. Puppet Petting

It didn't take long for Spike and Angel to settle down in Jacki's home. The three of them got along fine with each other once Spike decided to quit picking on Angel, temporarily at least. Back at the firm, Wesley had figured out a solution to the problem of the sick children and a special team was dispatched to the television station. All they had to do was to carefully break the egg and all the children would return to normal. Angel had asked if he and Spike would also return to normal. Wesley had said he wasn't sure, but it was certainly possible.

The team had been successful. After a fight with some evil puppets that were the ones behind the whole thing, the egg was broken and instantly the children recovered. Unfortunately Angel and Spike remained the same.

"Gosh. I'm sorry that didn't work out for you guys. I guess it's just going to have to take some time to wear off. In the meanwhile, you are both of course welcome to stay here as long as you like." Jacki said, patting Angel on the arm consolingly.

"Yoo hoo! Anyone in there?" A woman's voice called out.

"Crap! That's my neighbor! Quick! Sit still there both of you and don't move or say a word!"

"Just a second Rita!"

Jacki opened the door and in walked her next door neighbor and friend, Rita Ramirez.

"Oh where did you get them?!" Rita cooed as she spotted Angel and Spike. She picked Spike up and turned him around in her hands.

"What? Oh erm, They were a gift...From somebody at work. A welcome gift of some kind."

"Well they are both just darling! Hey, they're not anatomically correct by any chance are they?" Rita asked with a sly grin.

Jacki blushed and stammered "Umm..Er, I don't know."

"Well let's find out, shall we?"

Soon both Angel and Spike were lying face up on the kitchen table as naked as jaybirds to their extreme embarrassment.

"Oh look at their little weenies! They even have hair!" Rita exclaimed with glee. She reached out and brushed the little patches of soft yarn hair over the puppets' privates. One patch was dark brown, the other a light yellow.

"These don't by any chance come off do they?" She asked, giving Spike's penis a little tug. "Nope! Looks like they're sewed on tight."

_She'd better stop that tugging, or she's going to get a surprise she hadn't counted on. _Spike thought. He didn't know if he could actually climax as a puppet, but he figured it might be possible. At any rate, the touch felt good to him even if it also made him extremely uncomfortable. Luckily Jacki stepped in before things got too far.

"Maybe we should dress them again and put them up before they get dirty." Jacki suggested. Rita agreed and helped her dress them. They carried Spike and Angel over to the couch and set them down on it.

After a cup of coffee and a short visit, Rita left. Once she was gone, Jacki came over and sat down next to Spike.

"I am so, so sorry! I had no idea she would do that!" Jacki apologized, mortified.

"Ah, it's alright! 'Snot every day that I get turned into a puppet and a pretty girl gives my willy a diddle to boot."

"Knock it off Spike!"

"Aww You're just jealous that she didn't give yours a pull too. I guess she thought I was the bigger and better man,er..puppet."

"Well regardless if it's okay or not, you won't have to worry about her doing that again."


	4. The Truth Comes Out

Over in Italy, Buffy's curiosity was getting the better of her. It wasn't every day that a girl's ex-boyfriends got turned into puppets and she really wanted to get a good look at the two of them. She debated about whether or not she should go and finally decided that she would. After leaving Faith in charge with detailed instructions, and Willow and Kennedy to assist her, Buffy packed her bags and flew out to L.A.

She met with Fred at Wolfram and Hart, and Fred told her where she could find them and gave her directions. Climbing into the car she rented, Buffy drove out to Jacki's place.

Jacki had been in the middle of fixing lunch when she heard a knock at the door. Spike and Angel were watching television.

"Who is it?"

"It's Buffy! May I come in?"

"Buffy!" Angel and Spike exclaimed together. "Oh Shit!"

They jumped off the couch and raced to the door trying to block Jacki's access to it. "No! Don't let her in! She can't see us like this!" Angel yelped.

"Angel, it's okay. I know about the whole puppet thing."

"You do? How'd you find out?" Angel asked.

"Let me in and I'll explain."

Angel and Spike moved aside and Jacki opened the door to let Buffy in. Once she was inside, Jacki got everyone settled at the kitchen table and passed around sandwiches and glasses of iced tea.

"Okay, so tell me. How did you find out about me and Spike?"

"Well one of the girls at the school got a phone call from a cousin back here in L.A. who works at the firm, and the story got spread around until Willow and Kennedy found out about it and then they told Xander, Giles, and me."

"You don't by any chance happen to know the name of this girl's cousin? I'd like to know who to fire once I get back to normal."

While this was going on, Jacki's face was bright red. Spike happened to notice and asked why she was blushing.

"Angel, I'm sorry. I'm the one who made the phone call. I didn't think my cousin would tell anybody or show the pictures to anyone."

"Pictures! There are pictures?!"

"Just a couple. I'm really sorry about this." Jacki said in a small voice. She was terribly embarrassed and feeling guilty about the whole thing.

Angel sighed and closed his eyes. What should he do? Should he fire her?

"It's alright Jacki. Just don't do anything like that again."

"No problem." They shook on it.

Jacki asked Buffy where she was staying at, and when she found out that Buffy didn't have a place to stay yet, she invited Buffy to stay at her house with Spike and Angel.

"Really Buffy, it's no trouble at all. We could all use the company."

Later that night, Spike was having a hard time trying to sleep. Normally it would have just been him and Angel on the couch and there would have been more than enough room, but now that Buffy was sleeping on it, there was only really enough room for her and Angel. After getting kicked to the floor for the third time, Spike decided to try to find some other place to sleep. He tried one of the armchairs, but it wasn't comfortable enough. He wasn't about to try to sleep in the crib with the baby. He had enough experience already with getting slobbered on.

He wandered down the hallway and happened to see that the door to Jacki's bedroom was open a little bit. He poked his head through the opening and peeked in. He couldn't see much as the room was dark. By her soft, rhythmic breathing, he could tell that Jacki was sound asleep. Spike thought for a moment. He figured that if he was quiet, and if he got up early enough, he could sleep in Jacki's bed and she would never know.

Spike entered the room and walked over to the bed. It was a big king-sized four poster with lots of plushy pillows, soft cotton sheets and a nice down comforter. It all looked pretty inviting to Spike who was stiff and cold, and very tired. Quietly he scooted over the stool from Jacki's vanity table and used it to climb up onto the bed. He snuggled down into the warm covers and closed his eyes. As he was starting to drift off, he felt Jacki turn over in her sleep. Spike lay still, thinking that she might wake up, but all she did was put an arm around him and pull him close to her.

Pulled in close to the curve of her belly, Spike was warm and comfortable. He didn't know if Jacki knew it was him that she held, or if she simply had mistaken him for one of the stuffed animals on the bed. It really didn't matter. Spike snuggled close to her and fell fast asleep.

Jacki woke early the next morning. Spike was still snuggled up in her arms and was still sound asleep. Jacki smiled and brushed a kiss against his soft yarn curls. She knew he had climbed into bed with her, but she didn't mind. She quietly got out of bed so she wouldn't disturb him and tucked the covers close around him.

As she made her way to the nursery, she peeked into the living room to check on Angel and Buffy. They were both still asleep. With the way Buffy was all sprawled out on the couch, it was no wonder that Spike had been forced to make other sleeping arrangements, she thought to herself. In the nursery, Benjamin was awake and was cooing softly at the mobile. After changing and feeding him, Jacki carried him out to the patio so they wouldn't wake the others.

"Shhh. Now you've got to be a good little boy and not wake up Momma's company. Okay?" She gently shushed the baby. Buffy got up a little later and joined Jacki out on the patio.

"Morning Buffy. Sleep alright?"

"Yes, Thank You."

"That's good. I hope you slept better than my unexpected bed mate." Jacki said with a smile.

"Who was that?"

"Who do you think? Since Angel was with you last night and Benji was in his crib, it can only be..."

"Spike?! Spike got into bed with you last night?!"

"Yep. Don't worry, all he did was sleep. I think you kept kicking him off the couch or something. Poor thing must have been cold."

"Well I should have a talk with him. I mean..."

"Really Buffy! It's alright! I don't mind at all. He didn't hurt anything. Like I said he was probably just cold and tired, and maybe a little lonely."

"Well, if you're sure, than I won't talk to him."

"So, how do you get along with everyone at the firm?"

"Pretty well actually. Fred is a real sweetheart and she is so smart! Wesley is a nice guy, although he can get kinda crabby if you mess up his stuff. I accidently knocked a few pages loose out of this old book of his and he got pretty snappy with me. I don't really get a chance to talk with Gunn a lot since he's so busy, but he seems like a good guy. Lorne's an angel and his singing is just to die for! Harmony and I get along great of course. Since we're both a little scatterbrained, we're practically sisters!"

"What about Angel?"

"He is so nice! I've never worked for such a kind and considerate boss before."

"What about Spike?"

Jacki blushed. She looked around before she spoke to make sure she and Buffy were still alone.

"Alright, you've got to SWEAR that you won't say ANYTHING about this to Spike."

"I swear. Now what is it?"

"Okay, I know you and he had a thing.."

Buffy interrupted. "Oh that wasn't really a thing. Well it was, but it was just a physical thing, and anyway it's over now."

"Okay, well I didn't want to make you jealous or anything, but you see, I kinda have a crush on him."

"You have a crush on Spike?"

"Yes! I mean he is just so cute and sweet, and he's so funny!"

"Yeah, I guess he can be in his own way, and he is pretty cute."

"Tell me about it! The day of my interview, I saw him in Angel's office with his shirt off and he was wearing these skin-tight black leather pants. When he bent over to pick something up off the floor, I thought I'd die! He has the hottest ass I have ever seen."

Jacki and Buffy snickered together and talked about Spike's hot ass for a few minutes. Neither one of them noticed that the window over the kitchen sink was open a crack and that every word they said was loud and clear to Spike.

"So tell me. You've had a thing with both Angel and Spike. Who's the better man if you know what I mean."

"Well it's hard to say. Angel and I were only together once. If you really twist my arm though, I'd have to say.."

"Yeah?"

"Spike."

"Really? How come?"

"Well from what I've seen, Angel is a little...Um, Vanilla when it comes to sex. You know, very traditional, missionary position only, not very interesting. It's not bad, it's just well, kind of ordinary I guess."

"And Spike?"

"Kinky."

"Kinky? Oh boy! How kinky?"

"Very kinky. There isn't really anything that he hasn't done or won't do. The only thing I think he hasn't done is be with another man. I don't know if he'd go for that or not. Andrew has propositioned him a few times, but Spike always turns him down. So either Andrew just isn't his type or he's just not into men that way."

"I wouldn't mind seeing him and Angel like that."

"Me either!"

At this statement, Spike and Angel, who had joined him by the sink, shook their heads vehemently and looked disgusted. There was no way in hell that either of them would ever sleep with each other.

"So is Spike, umm...equipped?"

"Oh yeah. He's a grower AND a shower."

Angel and Spike couldn't believe what they were hearing. Both girls went back and forth like that for several minutes, talking about the guys' anatomy and all sorts of nasty stuff. With each new question or statement, their eyes grew wider.

When Jacki and Buffy came back in with the baby, Spike and Angel were trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing, but they were failing miserably since neither one could look either one of the girls squarely in the eye and were barely speaking.

"What do you suppose is up with those two?" Buffy asked as she helped Jacki dry the breakfast dishes.

"I don't know. You'd think they...Hang on. How long do you suppose this window's been open?" Jacki asked, pointing at the window over the sink, the one that looked out onto the patio.

"You don't think they..."  
"Oh my God! You think they heard us?!"

"Jacki, they must have! That's why they're acting so weird!"

"Oh God! What Spike must think of me, And Angel! Oh they probably think I'm some sort of huge pervert or something! Well I've probably blew any chance I might have ever had with Spike."

"Not necessarily. Look, you go talk to him and I'll go talk to Angel. We'll get this straightened out."

Buffy went over to the couch to talk with Angel, and Jacki and Spike went into the computer room to talk.

"Spike, I know you overheard us, and I'm sure I probably made you feel pretty uncomfortable so I'm sorry."

"It's alright Pet. I'm flattered to know you care about me. And you're right, I do have a nice bum."

"I do care a lot about you, at least I think I do. I mean, I like you and I find you attractive. If we got to know each other more than...who knows?"

"Sounds like a good idea. How 'bout after I'm fixed, you and me have dinner together some night and get to know each other. See where this goes."

"Sure."

"Alright then. It's settled."


	5. The End For Now

After two more weeks of being puppets, Spike and Angel were back to normal. Buffy had flown back to Italy and she and Angel were still friends. Angel went back to work. Spike stayed on for another day to say goodbye.

"Well this is it then Pet. Thanks for bein' so kind to Angel and me. How can I repay you?"

"Well you taking me to dinner would be a good start. Then we'll see what happens."

"Okay then. It's a date. How's next Friday sound?"

"Sounds good."

"Alright. Friday it is. I'll swing by and pick you up at eight."

Spike kissed her cheek and said goodbye. As Jacki watched him walk out into the night towards his apartment, she wondered what the coming days would hold.


End file.
